moving is such hell!

It has been quite a while since I last wrote. Here is the readers digest version of things:

packed up the house in Texas. drove from Texas to Florida, got into a car accident on I10, ugh! drove wrecked car to Florida (we had to get there). turned in car to get repaired, got rental, drove to Virginia. Visited family in Virginia, Visited family in New Hampshire, drove back to Virginia, got the phone call that our new apartment wasn't going to be ready for another month, What?!?!?!? Drove to Florida to pick up my car and then had to cancel my job interview.....my dad had a stroke! (later we found out it was a TIA-thank God). Drove back to Virginia for another week, Drove to Florida-out running Hurricane Irene. Living in a hotel in Florida.

Yeah that is a lot of driving and a lot of together time, maybe too much???  I love my family but I also love my own life. Im not used to not having a job or my own money. I am not used to being with my now 2 year old daughter ALL DAY!!!!

Sorry this isn't a very insightful post, this is really more than an explosion of thoughts out on virtual paper.

And just think, We can do this all over again.......Ah, the Navy life......HA!

Saying Goodbye

I have to be honest, flight training has sucked for our family.  Our time in Pensacola was trying to say the least. There were plenty of times I would ask myself, ‘Why am  I still in this….this SUCKS!’  My husband was frustrated, tired, exhausted, short tempered, and impatient.   There were flight instructors constantly saying,  ‘If you are married with a kid you are going to have a rough time’. That got very old!  We eventually made it thru Pensacola to come here. It was a welcomed change.  Texas, here we come!

It has been 7 months since we have moved here and all I can say is, ”Is it time to leave already?”  We have lived in South Texas and we have loved it! The Aquarium is where my daughter fell in love with dolphins and other sea life.  The Botanical Gardens, is where we explored butterflies and ladybugs. The River Walk in San Antonio we enjoyed time as a family and had great memories with friends.  We have had cook out and holidays with friends that we consider family.  I worked with co-workers that I consider friends.  Really, Texas has been great for us.

On June 24, 2011, my Husband got his Wings of Gold and I couldn’t be more proud!  We are now awaiting to get settled into our next life in Florida again and we will be there for a bit until our next stop. With the NAVY you never know……..

I am hoping that Florida will bring more of what Texas did.  More time with family, friends, and explorations of the unknown through a soon to be two year olds eyes.   A family that is finding their own niche in life.  A little bit of adventure for a lot of memories. We will see what the next chapter will bring.

A Bad Hair Day.......

I got to my friend’s house after work and she blurted out, ”We have to talk.” As thoughts go racing through my mind I am thinking to myself, “Oh, was my kid that bad today that my friend doesn’t want to watch my daughter anymore?”

She brings the littlest of her 3 sweetpeas over and she says, “I’m sorry that I cut pumpkin’s hair. Can you forgive me????”  As I am trying not to crack up laughing I say, “Of course I can but no more cutting other people’s (or your own) hair . ok?”

Sweetpea 3 went off to her room to play.  My friend had that look of relief.  I guess this is where I have to back up.  All of us (meaning parents) were in a conversation about cutting pumpkin’s hair, my Husband despises bangs on little girls but pumpkin is always shoving her hair out of her face and she does not want to leave in clips, bows, etc.  The moms were saying yes to a haircut and my husband gave the ‘if one hair is touched on her head I will kill you’ look. So the moms were like ‘ok, so no haircut!!!!’

As most parents with little girls know is that some time or another girls will cut Barbie’s hair (my sister and I did), or they cut each other’s hair like sweetpea 1 did to sweetpea 2, and sweetpea 2 did to sweetpea 3.  So sweetpea 3 did it to pumpkin, after all, they might as well be sisters.  The worst one is when you cut your own hair right before picture day a school like my sister did!  

So  after I calmed my friend down I told her that my Husband would be fine! Accidents happen and honestly,  It doesn’t look bad, maybe sweetpea 3 will be a talented hair stylist!  The best part of all, I didn't have to deal with this.....

Mother's Day.....really?

Have you ever seen the TV show ‘The Middle’?  It depics Mother’s Day and Father’s day very differently.  It is comical but it does have a hint of truth to it. 

Now my Husband did let me sleep late, let me take a nap and got a card from him and one from our daughter that is almost 2…She scribbled on it. (Last year she wrote with ‘invisible ink’……cute really.) Also, he is making me a fabulous dinner!  So I am not complaining at all.

Mother’s have this grand idea that it is a day for them…..it is kinda.  If your kids are bigger they do art work make breakfast in bed with burnt toast and milk or juice spilt everywhere.

 In all actuality, this day is like any other.  The kids are still up, they still need to eat and oh, you have to clean up the mess they made.  Your husband is always like, “whatever you want to do, honey”.   it really translate too, “I’m going to watch guy movies and make or take you to dinner.”  (Really hon, I wanted to watch Lifetime all day because I never get too!!!!)  I still do dishes, and laundry if needed.  I still take care of pumpkin and the dog, you know, normal stuff.

I get to spend time with my family, which I am grateful for. My Husband’s schedule is crazy and I’m not at work today and my daughter is awake. So, it is a ‘perfect’ day!

Enjoy your day!

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The Perfect working Mom life....HA!

If I was to write a list of everything that I do could I make it more manageable? Somehow I doubt it, but let’s try it and see.

5:30am get up! Sometimes that is a task in itself, ha ha! Get ready for work maybe grab a bit to eat.

6:00 am get pumpkin up, dressed, give daddy kisses if he is not at work yet.

6:35 am out the door to drop off pumpkin….crap! I forgot to feed the dog and let him out,  Hopefully, Daddy  will do it!

7:30 am Start work, and not take a pee break until lunch or even later.

5:30 pm leave work (if I am so lucky and it is that early) and go get pumpkin, battle traffic ugh!

6:30 pm finally home, cook dinner (if we don’t just go out or pick something up)

7:00 pm Give pumpkin a bath (maybe) and bed.

7:30 pm start laundry or dishes, feed dog, take dog out, and sit on the couch for 5 seconds.

8:00 pm falling asleep on the couch, again!

I know that this is a typical life for a working Mom, but really???? This kinda sucks!  I know that my house looks like crap, I don’t put any time aside for myself, so I look like crap. I am sick of it! There is literally not enough hours in the day for me to get everything I want to or need to get things done or God forbid work out…….My Hubby’s advice, “You can wake up earlier.” Are you F’ing kidding me!!!!!  

I know that the grass is not ever greener on the other side. There has to be a balance somewhere and I can’t find it yet.  Who ever thought that there was such a thing as a perfect working mom life is crazy.

My Work Family....

Do you remember in School there was always one kid that didn’t fit in. The person that didn’t fit in might have been a bully, the class clown, the ‘smart’ one that just can’t relate, the band geek, the dramatic thespian…..the list can go on.

It is one thing that in the adult world the ‘outsider’ became the inventor of the next big thing, more than likely that person became the outsider at the work place. Now I’m not saying that all ‘outsiders’ stay ‘outsiders’, but sometimes that is the case.  That is the case with this individual.

You know how in my profile I had said, ‘I loved the work but sometimes loathe the job’?  Well, this is exactly what I am talking about.  This person is a very smart, is a great technician, I don’t know this person as well as some of the other people do but I like to call it like I see it……this person is a dumbass!

Most of the time, the other technicians and I work very well together. When one person is tied up with something the others pitch in to make the office run smooth.  This individual seems to have their own idea on how this should run. This person seems to disappear into a secluded place of the office and do work related stuff but they leave the rest of us hangin’.    Today it all seemed to come to a head!  This person called the rest of us LAZY!!!!!!  Now I don’t normally care what other people think of me but I am not LAZY! Not at work anyway (housework is a different story).

Now I am not sure what else was said or not said but this person threw a fit and stormed out of the office. I guess that cooler heads will prevail on Monday. However, my guess is that this person won’t last long in our ‘work family’.  Now I am going to wind down for the weekend and enjoy MY family.

From the Outside Looking In........

I often wonder ‘Am I doing the right thing?’ I think I ask myself that at least one time a day.  Am I doing right by my Husband, my Daughter?  Am I doing everything I could be doing?

I have this overwhelming NEED to have approval. I have this NEED to be the better person.  I have this NEED for perfection. My Husband wishes I have this perfection towards my house but for some reason that has never developed.  I wish I had the perfect family but I don’t. But then I think, what is a perfect family?  A mom, dad, 2.5 kids a dog?? Well we have one kid, one dog and two parents. I guess we are 1.5 kids to ‘perfect’!  

 Our daughter will never have the family that I dreamed of. She will never have late night sleepovers with Cousins. She will not have big family cookouts.  She might even be an only child.

 My husband and my’s immediate families are small and spread out and often are strained relationships at best.  She only has one Cousin right now to speak of and she will more than likely never meet him.  She has Aunts and Uncles whom she will never know.  She is the one who is going to suffer, or will she?  If she never knows of these individuals will she miss someone she has never known?  Am I doing her a disservice by not exposing her to the nuttiness of ‘our family’? 

I see others that have picture perfect families with reunions and picnics galore…..I hope there is more to see what is on the surface. In actuality do I HAVE the normal family? I guess only time will tell……..

Oh, the Easter Bunny....

My husband and I took our daughter to see the Easter Bunny this afternoon.  We walk past the Easter Bunny on our way to get shoes. (Yes, I am a wonderful mom, I had to get shoes for my kid on the way to the event...kinda last minute) and she throws a fit! crying beacause she couldn't go see the Bunny. She doesn't even know who he is?!?!? In fact neither do I! Why does a bunny come to the house and leave baskets of candy and small toys? I have no idea on that one. Lastly, why does a bunny hide eggs????

We buy the shoes and go to the E.B. and she sits on his lap. She has this look on her face like, 'why are you leaving me here?' She puts her finger to her bottom lip, a nervous thing she does, and she is moments from crying.....we snap the picture and she looks like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers.  The girls asks us if we want another picture and we say yes. We then are clapping and cheering 'YAY!' to get that smile going. And she finally does, two seconds after the camera snaps! Oh, well. We will try for next year.....

first official rant...I mean post.....

Hello everyone out there in blog land.  This is kinda strange for me. I am not a writter and most of the time I can't even string two thoughts together to where they make sense to anyone else but me. However, I am going to try my best to make this a coherant thought.  Why is it that the biggest critic of me is ME? I put so much pressure on myself that I get so worked up over stupid things that I can't even sit back and enjoy things. Take this whole winging thing.....well, I have to back up.

My Husband is in the Navy going thru flight training. At the end of it he gets his 'Wings of Gold'. It has been a very tough time for everyone with moving, the schedules, the constant job hunting etc. that this will be a welcomed event for our family. Anyway back to my point.....

I am putting so much pressure on myself about this winging it is ridiculous! I want to celebrate my husband's day and acheivement. I want everything perfect.....that is my job afterall! I am supposed to be the perfect hostess and partyplanner oh, and have my hair stay perfectly in place....HA! that will never happen, the hair part mainly!

I have picked out invitations even though I know that family will more than likely not come for a multitude of reason which I will not get into (that is an entirely different topic). I have a dress that looks fabulous but I am sure that some will roll their eyes. Our daughter has a dress and she looks cute no matter what.  I guess that I feel really out of place due to the fact that I am older, I have some weight on me, and I am not a typical Officer Wife.....I work! It is a forgeign concept that I work outside the home full time to pay off some bills and oh yeah, I don't want to stay home with my daughter. It sounds horrible I know but I NEED that adult interaction! I would rather die then go to a spouses' club anything!

Maybe I have a bad attitude, maybe I saw to much cattyness and backstabbing as a child (my dad was a Naval Officer as well). I know that there is good and bad to everything but why do I always think this way?  Why can't I just go with the flow? Why do I have this need to have everyhting perfect?

My husband has even said the only thing he needs is myself and our daughter there for his winging and everything else will fall into place.  Why is that not enough for me? Why do I feel I NEED to do more, something spectacular?

I think that is enough of a rant...I mean, post for one day!

Well, here it goes.....

This blogging thing is new to me but I feel that I have a lot to say. If anyone wants to read it that is fine by me:)

I look at pictures in magazines and sitcoms on TV and think to myself, "do people really have that fabulous of a life? Am I really that non-typical that my house is a wreck, we eat processed foods and our lives are hectic??? OR, am I the norm? I guess really only time will tell.

I am doing this blog for venting or even maybe a form of therapy. If you want to comment that is ok but please don't attack other followers, it's not nice.