Ringing in 2016

This time of year I start reflecting on the past and looking forward to the future.  There are good and bad times from the past, all which have made me the person I am today. As far as the future goes.......I guess we wont know, until we know.

I do know that I used to be feisty. Now people say I am just a B. *If they only knew* I do not let my mouth run away anymore, I am also kinder with my words and weigh them out before I say anything. *see that maturity!!!!* I also have resting bitch face and overly emotional face but at different times. The only thing that I am sure of myself is that I am probably F%$^king something up.  I dont have a perfect life nor do I even pretend that I do. Trying to keep up with appearances...or even with the Jones' would be too exhausting.

My big resolution this year is to be kinder to myself. To give credit to myself for my accomplishments and not be too critical of myself for my setbacks. Also, to get my butt to the gym. for real, there is no excuse, it is at the end of my street and both kids are gone to school by 815 in the morning. The third thing that is probably more important than the rest is to actually care for myself. My husband is home for a bit and we do have respite care but I need to use respite for more than a sitter so I can go to my appointments. I need respite from my house and my scheduled life. I need time to pick up a hobby to be my escape, to learn something, to be something that is reflective of me.

I hope that 2016 is kinder to me and our family than 2015 was.....well, we start today!

Personal Heroes

I am battling a crazy cold here and while I was hacking up a lung last night I was surfing Facebook. I ran across a post my husband wrote. While I wont get into too much detail, he said that our son is his hero. As I was tearing up because it was so sweet, it was also making me think, who was my hero?

Now naturally every child thinks that their mom or dad is awesome. Or maybe a fave teacher or something like that. For me, you would think it would be my psychologist.....I see her weekly for the past 3 years and she is awesome, and she keeps all of my crazy contained, but no.....it's not her. It is actually our ABA therapist, "L".

For those of you that are not in the know, an ABA (Applied Behavioral Analyst)  therapist is someone that works with autistic individuals on communication, socializing, behaviors, and functional skills to be better at coping with being with the rest of the world. Again, this is my take on it so don't get butt hurt if you don't agree with me.  ABA therapy is intense. I mean it is 5 days a week someone in your house intense. They are working on how to teach your kid to share, take turns, colors, how to use a fork, use their words, oh, God! you name it....they can do it.  We started when our daughter was 3 and then our son started when he was 18 months old. Again, this is intense, and you have teams of therapists in your space all the time. I have up to 5 hours a day of people in my house. That was all the insurance would allow at the time.

"L" has been with us in one capacity or another for over 3 years now. She knew our daughter when she could barley utter a sentence, she couldn't answer a question, she couldn't play........ "L" was there praising her for small victories, token boards filled, prizes given. She was just as excited when she met goals as we were. She also was around when our son started to roll over, crawls, stand....his first birthday, his diagnosis a month later. She had some personal stuff happen ( I mean, she is a person too!) and I would like to think that I and my family were at least a welcomed distraction from what she was going through.

We left that ABA company, but being in a small town that we are, we still saw each other, the kids, etc. had coffee, chatted.

We then started with another company and low and behold "L" was our daughter's therapist again.....it is like she never left our family. Now she is also working with the team that treats our son too both kids get so much from her. She sees the potential in both kids, she teaches our daughter how to lose gracefully, how to interact with friends, humor! She teaches my son that it is ok to use your words and tell your big sister, "NO!" (and that big sister needs to listen). She accompanies my girl out in the community and lets her be until she struggles, waits to see what she will do and then help her out in a non conspicuous way. She is helping my kid socially be accepted by her peers without being a crutch.

It will be a very bittersweet day when "L" will not be part of our daily life. I cant imagine what our life would be like without "L" and the other therapists on our team of peeps for both kiddos. I cant imagine what our kids would be like if we never had the early intervention they did. I cant imagine going this alone. I am grateful for "L" and the rest of the crew. Without them our life wouldn't be what it is today.

I have returned!

Hello out there! It has been 2 years since I have posted. A lot of things have happened......really just life happened. I have been struggling if I even want to put life out there. I mean, I am doing this for me in a way, it is therapeutic, but I also want to make sure that I dont do anything that my kids would read later and be like, 'mom thinks this way????'. I also think that I can not be the only person that thinks this.

First and foremost, I am not an English teacher (all though my sister is) and I will probably not be grammatically correct, etc. These are my thoughts, and mine alone. If you want something "professional" you are on the wrong blog. Also, I speak fluent sarcasm so dont get butt hurt....ok???

Anyway, We have been through so much even in the last year, multiple specialists, a brain surgery, balancing both kids' needs that are similar at times, but other times are like day and night. the alphabet soup of diagnoses that seem to get more and more letters added to it. People say, "oh, you are dealing with so much...." Mine and my husband's response is, "I guess......this is our normal".

We dont look for pity or anything. We really feel, it is what it is. I really hate that saying for some reason. I also hate the saying, God only gives you what you can handle......well, personally, God can spread it around a bit.  But I am rambling on.

 I feel like I am an "in-between" person.....I feel at times that I dont fit in with special needs families because our kids, while they have a lot of crap, they are not "severe enough" for some people. But then we are also not a typical family by any means. This "high functioning" autism...what the hell does that even mean????  I have a 6 year old that can sing any song after hearing it once, she seems to be a math whiz, but she can not get dressed with out prompting or her visual schedule. I have a 3 year old that "talks" but is unintelligible, he cant hold a crayon, but he can use tools and build all sorts of crap (that kid is getting a broken appliance to fix for his birthday....life skills baby!).

While I am not going to be airing tons of  "Negative Nancy"  stuff, I will also not be all, "shiny, happy, people" up here either. So welcome back.....or just welcome. I will be trying out this blog thing again. enjoy.